The Sand Angel
Holly closed her eyes and started to confront the reality of where things were.
This clear-skied early September morning was different from the rest. Something had fractured so deep within her soul that it had become impossible to reconcile with the torment. It had been incredibly difficult for her to get to this point in the first place; the world had been pushing back in what felt like most ways imaginable for a while. Over time, feelings like this compounded and took its toll. It fractured bonds with her closest friends and family and eventually sent her astray. She had been living rough for a short while now… alone and bordering manic, she was living aimlessly in a world that failed to take notice of her pain.
She dried her hands on a towel in the gas station washroom. A weird sense of finality poured over her but not knowing what to make of it, she exited onto the street. Mission Viejo wasn’t cold this time of year… in fact it was actually pretty comfortable. Her tan hand-me-down dress had been all she'd needed to keep warm recently. She pulled a travel map out of her handbag, one of the few possessions she'd kept, and scanned it for places to go. Laguna Beach stood out, being somewhere she used to visit as a child during happier times. They felt so long ago now. She bought a can of cola from the forecourt and hailed a taxi to take her there.
Waiting by the side of the road for her taxi in the dark, it dawned on her that there was truly no-one else around. It was around 3am now; the roads and sidewalks devoid of any signs of life was starting to weigh on her mind. Before (what felt like) no time at all, the taxi pulled up beside her. She climbed in, eager to reach her destination, but before long realised she only had $18 in her purse. The journey would cost more than that and so the driver told her he’d take her as close as he could. The atmosphere inside the cab was chilly; neither of them really spoke aside from their brief introductions.
At the corner of Cove Road and Scenic Drive their shared journey came to an end. The money was gone. She thanked him for the drive and said “goodbye”. Before slowly pulling away, he felt compelled to look over his shoulder and watch her leave. There was a quiet sadness to her that stayed with him long after this encounter. She stepped up-and-over the kerb and into a clearing surrounded by trees on each side and turned around. Her dress gently ruffled around in the breeze as she watched his familiar taillights disappear off into the distance and be swallowed by darkness. The whole area had become suffocatingly dark rather quickly; the trees seemingly looming over her. But she could hear the sea now - and so, in the absence of anything else seizing her attention, she sought out its alluring murmuring.
It wasn’t long until she happened upon a head-height wire fence affixed with many safety signs. She paid these no notice, instead deciding to scale the barricade and keep moving forward. The sound of rushing waves kept getting louder until finally she was there… standing at the brow of the cliff. She took a sip from her can of cola and set it aside on the ground alongside a map, her purse and some cigarettes. This was it. She'd made it. She thought of her family and friends… what would they say if they could see just how bad things had gotten lately? Would they care? Would they try to stop her? She drew a deep breath, closed her eyes and stepped forward into the unknown.
It happened fast. A chaotic mixture of thudding, scratching and breaking filled the night as she rolled over rocky outcrops and out onto the beach below; her vision briefly flashing white. She had made it to her destination. The beach. She laid there thinking about what surrounded her right this second in a bid to appreciate it; to feel it. The sand was cold. The tide was partially out. Thankfully, a rogue crab failed to emerge from its slumber only to start pinching her nose. There wasn't much pain, although there was no longer any feeling in her legs. Realising she was unable to do much else, she moved her arms around as if playing in the garden with her sister, back home - a long way away - in the height of winter. She'd hoped desperately for so long to return, to see her again, but the distance always grew no matter how hard she'd tried. After a short while, the sound of the sea to her side started to fade, the chill from the wet sand against her back dissipated and everything turned dark. She smiled and let go of all of it.
She was finally free.