The Sand Angel

Holly closed her eyes and started to confront the reality of where things were at.

This clear-skied early September morning was different from the rest. Something had fractured so deep within her soul that it had become impossible to reconcile with the torment. It had been incredibly difficult for her to get to this point in the first place; the world had been pushing back in what felt like every way imaginable for a long time. Over time, this feeling (and others like it) compounded and took its toll; it fractured bonds with her friends and family and eventually sent her astray. She had been living rough for a short while now. Manic and alone, she was living aimlessly in a world that failed to take notice of her obvious pain.

She dried her hands on the towel in the gas station washroom. A sense of finality poured over her but not knowing what to make of it, she exited onto the street. Mission Viejo wasn’t cold this time of year… in fact it was actually pretty comfortable. Her tan hand-me-down dress had been all she'd needed to keep warm recently. She pulled a travel map out of the handbag she'd kept with her and scanned it for places to go. Laguna Beach stood out, being somewhere she used to frequent as a child during happier times. They felt so long ago now. She bought a can of cola from the forecourt and hailed a cab to take her there.

She waited by the side of the road for her ride. It was around 3am now and the way that the roads and sidewalks were devoid of life was starting to weigh on her mind. There was no-one around. Finally, a cab arrived. She climbed in, eager to reach her destination; but before long realised she only had $18 in her purse. The journey would cost more than that and so the driver firmly told her he’d take her as close as he could. The atmosphere inside the cab was chilly and neither of them really spoke aside from brief introductions.

At the corner of Cove Road and Scenic Drive the journey came to an end. The money was gone. She thanked him for the drive and said “goodbye”. As he slowly drove away he looked over his shoulder to watch her leave. There was a quiet sadness to her that stayed with him. She stepped over the kerb and up into a clearing surrounded by trees on each side and turned around. Her dress gently ruffled around in the breeze as she watched his familiar taillights disappear off into the distance and be swallowed by darkness. The whole area had become suffocatingly dark. The trees seemed to be looming over her. But she could hear the sea now - and so, in the absence of anything else, she sought out its alluring murmuring.

It wasn’t long until she happened upon a head-height wire fence affixed with a safety signs; she paid these no notice, climbed this barricade and kept moving forward. The sound of rushing waves kept getting louder until finally she was there… standing at the brow of the cliff. She took a sip from her can of cola and set it aside on the ground alongside her map, purse and some cigarettes. This was it. She'd made it. Even though a lot of her time and energy had been put into imagining this moment lately, now that she was here it was still a lot to take in. She thought of her family and friends… what would they say if they could see just how bad things had gotten? She closed her eyes, drew a deep breath and stepped forward into the unknown.

It happened so fast. A chaotic mixture of thudding, scratching and breaking filled the night as she rolled over rocky outcrops and out onto the beach below; her vision briefly flashing white as it happened. She had finally made it to her destination, the beach; that much was true. The sand was cold. The tide was partially out. She couldn’t feel her legs anymore. As she laid there dazed, she moved her arms around as if surrounded by snow as a child, playing in the garden with her sister. As the sound of the sea to her side started to fade, the chill from the wet sand against her back dissipated and everything turned dark, she smiled and let go of all that remained.

She was finally free.